New England Patriots vs. New York Jets– Last year, the Pats escaped with a 5-point win in New Jersey. The Jets don’t do anything particularly well, but they are ranked 12th in passing defense. The Patriots defense has been abysmal this year, and rank 30th in scoring defense. The Jets, conversely, rank 23 in points scored. SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE, PEOPLE!. I can’t pick the Jets in this one, but they don’t turn the ball over, it will be far from easy for Tom Brady and company.

Miami Dolphins vs. Atlanta Falcons- Jay Cutler just can’t help doing Jay Cutler things. The Falcons defense gives up 75 yards per game, so look for the game to be on Jay’s smokin’ shoulders. ALL THE LOL’S ON THAT ONE!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Arizona Cardinals- So the Cardinals got themselves a replacement RB this past week in Adrian Peterson. With David Johnson IR’d, the Cards have averaged 51 yards on the ground per game. The Cardinals also pretty beat up- their injury report looks like an Old Testament list of ‘who begat who’. Both teams pass the ball better than they run. Both teams defend the run better than they do the pass. But the Bucs are terrible at pass defense and the Cardinals are at home. AP won’t factor.

New York Giants vs. Denver Broncos- 0-5, eh Eli? The Giants desperately need a winnable game to have any hope of salvaging respectability this season. This game ain’t it. The Broncos will run roughshod. Start CJ if you can.

Cleveland Browns vs Houston Texans- What do we know about new Browns QB Kevin Hogan? We know he’s not DeShone effing Kizer, that’s for sure. But is that enough? The Texans defense did not look good last time out, but that was against the Kansas City Chiefs who happen to be the best damn team in the league. There’s nothing the Browns can do to win this game. They just don’t score enough points.

Los Angeles Rams vs Jacksonville Jaguars- The Jags are playing good ball. So are the Rams, as these two franchises with new head coaches square off with identical 3-2 records. The Jags defense is too much at home, but look for ‘Backs Gone Wild’ as neither team defends the run well. Todd Gurley and Leonard Fournette should be solid fantasy starters.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs Kansas City Chiefs- The Steelers who looked god awful watching Ben Roethlisberger throw 5 picks, including 2 for TD’s, last week against the Jaguars. Now they go into KC to face the best team in the goddam league. The Steelers are giving up a buck-thirty-six on the ground per game and the Chiefs run for days with rookie RB Kareem Hunt. TE Travis Kelce is in concussion protocol. G Laurent Duvernay-Tardif (say that five times fast) and LB Branden Albert are questionable- the Chiefs have issues. At home, the Chiefs can’t be beat.

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings- Big game to shake up the top of the NFC North. The Vikings won last year in Minnesota by 3, but that wasn’t with Case Keenum under center. To his credit, Keenum hasn’t been bad. Minnesota’s defense is ‘mm-mm good’, and I don’t like the Packers injuries. Vikings at home.

Detroit Lions vs New Orleans Saints- These teams are pretty even. The Lions lost DT Haloti Ngata and that’s a hole. I have a sneaky feeling the Lions give away one on the road here.

Los Angeles Chargers vs Oakland Raider- The new team in L.A. faces the former team from L.A., but not the former team from L.A. that left and came back to L.A. Got it? The Chargers are struggling but they still have QB Phillip Rivers, who may be in the regression part of the bell curve, but the Chargers rank 6th in passing yards. They just don’t score much. Oakland gets QB Derek Carr back at home, but the Chargers rank 4th in pass defense. Still, Oakland is tough place to go into and the Chargers don’t exactly have momentum right now. Raiders.

Chicago Bears vs Baltimore Ravens- Game 2 in the Mitchell Truth-bisky era for the Bears. Going into Baltimore, who somehow is 3-2 despite looking like a lukewarm turd at times, is a tough ask of a young QB. The Bears put up a fight, but the Ravens prevail.

San Francisco 49ers vs Washington Redskins- Kirk Cousins current team vs his future team? Maybe? The 49ers cut LB Novarro Bowman, their leading tackler. They’re shopping RB Carlos Hyde, their leading rusher. It’s selling time for an 0-5 team and there is no way they go into Washington and win this.

There’s my take on Week 6, leave love or hate in the comments. Check back Monday afternoon for my Monday Night Football preview!